I wrote this in my senior year while studying for my
finals in a religious studies course. I was planning to write my
post graduate thesis on religion (that plan was shot to hell); but it
explains the true doctrination of each of these philosophers and famous
men (as my feeble mind understood from the varied texts)......
Please note I do NOT claim that these events actually occurred, but
rather, the views declared by each of these men are as close to the
truth as you will find........(These men were not even alive over the
same period of time!!!)
Sigmund Freud sits on a stool at the bar, nursing his sixth mug of beer of the night. Plato and Socrates sits to his left and Sartre is slumped over the counter on Freud's right.
"You want to know what I think?" Freud announces importantly, his voice thick and heavy with his increasing drunkenness.
"What?" Sartre says, casting the white haired gentleman a sideway glance.
"I think that the sense of God originates from mankind's need for a father figure - one that is beyon' human 'bilities. Not jus' any ol' father figure, mind ya. God is nothin' but a...a....projec..tion, of......man's inner desire and need to be dependent."
Sartre rolls his eyes while Socrates clears his throat and raises an eyebrow. The bartender listens to the progress of the discussion as he stands behind the counter, holding a bottle of vodka in this right hand while a towel sits neatly folded on his left arm. A name tag clipped to his white shirt reads, 'Emile Durkheim, Bartender' and slightly below his title, the words printed in bold reads 'White Hotel Bar & Grill'.
"Gentlemen, I may be only a bartender, surely not even half as educated as you are. But please, may I even interest you with my humble opinion?" the man behind the counter says mildly.
"Every man should have the freedom and right to say as he wishes. Hell, every man DOES have the freedom! After all, man is condemned to be free," Sartre says passionately as he sits on the bar stool next to Freud.
"Why thank you, Jean-Paul,"says Emile, " My honored guests, you see, I think that religion is a social phenomena, born out of groups of people. The sense of God can only arise within a society, or within a group of individuals. Therefore, it should be so that religion be studied from a social perspective, rather than an individual one. What occurs - is the phenomena of social life....I emphasize SOCIAL. In short, I guess what I mean to say is that religion at its heart is the result of a sense of belonging within an organization that imposes its own societal laws on individuals. I believe that when you study individuals, Sigmund, and their individual psyche, you are missing out on the point of religion altogether. And to claim that God is merely a projection of man, of a father figure,...my God! That is simply absurd, Siggy!" Durkheim immediately places the bottle of vodka on the counter, his hands trembling from the passion of his belief. He folds the towel on his arm and proceeds to polish the spotless bar top obsessively.
Freud clicks his tongue and shakes his head slowly from side to side as if his head was too heavy on his bony shoulders. "You know, Emile, the human psyche is unique in each and every one of us. To undershand phenomena, we mush break the matter down to itsh individual piecesh....Pleash, pour me shum more of that vodkah......."
Durkheim pulls out a shot glass from beneath the counter and pours a drink for Freud. Freud holds up the glass and squints at it critically before draining the drink with a swift and almost graceful movement.
"Ah...dash more like it!" he grins and then giggles. "That hit the old shhpot...."
Sartre looks disapprovingly at Freud. "It is called overindulgence...and that is certainly not a virtue! We are free to do as we wish, yet the things we are free to do are the most damning to the goodness of life and its supports. Thus, the dilemma of life and man's free will."
At this point, Rene Descartes and Thomas Hobbes enters the bar and heads over to the table closest to the four men who are hunched over the bar counter. Socrates turns toward Descartes. "What do YOU gentleman think about the concept of religion and the sense of God in the consciousness of man?"
"I doubt everything," says Descartes.
"Even religion?" Socrates inquires.
"What? Oh yes, certainly. I sometimes even doubt my existence...well,...until I realized that my very act of doubting actually confirms my existence!"
"So you doubt religion. How do you explain the fact that some people come to hold the idea of God?" Socrates probes further, feigning ignorance.
"Well, by doubting everything, we become.....aware. Of consciousness....You see, I think, therefore..I am.."
"Consciousness, monsciousness, shumciousness!!" Freud exclaims from his stool. "It all beginsh wi' our shaxus drive whish ish re-phressed..."
"..see..some ideas cannot be doubted, "Descartes continues, ignoring the obviously drunk Freud, "I believe in the notion of causality. For example, things that exist have been caused to exist, and that force has to be greater than man. Thus, the rise of the concept of God. We must be rational about things so to arrive at the ultimate truth. Just that,...Siggy here doesn't look like he's ready for some deductive reasoning tonight!" Descartes turns to look at the bleary eyed Sigmund and turns back to Emile for affirmation.
Emile nods. Plato grunts. Socrates cocks his head. Sartre hurmphs. Freud burps. It is Hobbes who speaks up next. "I would be willing to concede that God exists, except that I do not think men know exactly what God is. I believe that the original state, long ago, was ruled by a monarch. Call it Eden, call it Paradise, call it anything you want. But through generations, this idea is passed on, and people looked towards this monarch as a kind of god because of its absolute and complete power. Eventually, the idea of A God is born. Of course, I also believe that this 'God' whatever one's conceptions of it may be, should be obeyed absolutely."
Sartre holds up his hand as if to stop a flow of conversation which seemed to be getting on his nerves. "You know, if you asked me, I don't believe there IS a God..."
Hobbes sucks in his breath as if horrified at such blasphemous words. Plato's mouth hangs slightly open.
"...because ultimately, man holds responsibility for all his actions," Sartre continues, "God is like an excuse or a reason to BE excused. Man is what he makes himself to be, not what God makes him, and because man is what he makes of himself, there is no such thing as human nature. Nothing universal like that. And therefore, there is no God." Sartre looks around at each of the men gathered at the counter, each with a drink in his hand.
Emile looks away. Plato strokes his chin. Socrates frowns. Hobbes rubs his forehead. Descartes scratches his eyebrow. Freud burps.
Plato finally breaks the silence. "Well, gentlemen, I hate to disprove your claims, but God is God. He cannot be scientifically pulled apart and be put together again."
Socrates nods in agreement. "Why, God is God..!!"
"I have mentioned," says Plato, "in my theory of Form and Ideas. Forms, after all, used to reside in the mind of God. And the Ideas, what we comprehend are what we judge the Forms to be. The confusion that exists among you today, is merely a result of your ignorance!"
"Whoa,...hold it right there. What do you mean by 'OUR' ignorance? Are you claiming you are above us and your assumptions, though not proven, are correct?" Descartes demands, glaring at Plato whose lips are lined with foam from the Guinness Stout beer.
Socrates glances around nervously. Hobbes folds his arms across his chest. Durkheim polishes the bar top with renewed vigor. Sartre swallows a mouthful of beer. Freud burps.
"Penish envy..." Freud mutters, "...you'all have penish envy, dash your problem!!"
"What?" Hobbes gives Freud a shove and the drunk neurologist falls to the floor like a ripe coconut. Descartes takes a swing at Plato who ducks and the blow lands on Durkheim.
Durkheim quickly regains his footing and punches Descartes in the face. Descartes charges at Durkheim and stumbles, only to fall on Socrates who has the wind knocked out of him. Socrates retaliates by throwing his mug at Descartes, only he misses, and it hits Sartre. Growling with rage, Sartre punches Socrates and breaks his nose, leaving him howling.
The seven men finally break up the fight ten minutes later when the police arrive at the White Hotel Bar and Grill.
The topic of discussion for the
following night, they each decided, would not involve
religion.........
