Angela

From: "Angela Pogue" 
To: Carolyn L Burke 
Date: Wed, 11 Sep 1996 22:31:37 +0000
Subject: You.

Hi Carolyn.

I'm writing because I feel for you right now. Your moods and hateful spite are very much like my own. Your perspective that pain is certain and progress is working against gravity are familiar as well. Moods are for cows? Yes, well you are not a cow so why allow them?

I've been playing with moodlessness. Refusing myself the sick pleasure of wallowing in pity, grief, pain. It is simply a decision to stop being submissive to feelings and start taking control of myself. For me, strong feelings bias my views drastically and feed the drama of things. Not to mention how unrelated shit all of a sudden becomes relavent and convincing material to further the mood... And then there is the fixation aspect where the mood consumes all of your energy, your desire to move ahead, your momentum. It's simply a bad deal all around and hence my desire to be rid of it.

So I wonder, why do you still find yourself in situations like these? Is there some benifitial gain you find in any of it? Niels once told me your base state was sad. I believe you choose to be this way. Why? For me it would be a surrendering to what is easiest. And for you?

Smiling for you,
Angela