b for b

Date: Thu, 22 Aug 1996 19:42:34 -0600
To: clburke@passport.ca
From: sohlcln@sasknet.sk.ca (Bill Ursel)
Subject: That B. Day

Well, it is that time of year again. I've decided to handle the B. Day a little differently this year.

It is a 'big one' 40 years. Today. I don't feel 40, whatever that means.

I feel that life has been good. The differnece this year is my need to take somewhat of an ethical inventory. No, the intention is not to heap guilt upon myself.

Rather, the focus is on what I may have done right and what remains undone.

I bore you with this because, being the birthday boy, I have the privilege.

So here it goes:

Honesty in good measure . . . sometimes more than is politically expedient.

Compassion . . . sometimes a tad too self indulgent. I need to take steps to look beyond the 'I' and focus on the 'we'.

Deliberation . . . oh yes, not being one to throw caution to the wind . .. I tend to suffer from the paralysis of analysis much too much.

The 'capacity to move on' . . . this needs alot of work. I tend to hold onto things, events, too long. Let go, I say. Easier said than done. :)

Conviction . . . a life full of cause-oriented involvements. I am just now seeing the need to focus on people, on the need to embrace the moment. Campaigns and issues, often as important as they are, are fleeting 'shadows of the lives of past/present events'. The people in the fuzy foreground or background, aye laddie, those are the gems!

A need to overcome 'the old fart syndrome'. Most notable symptom, that "we've done it before and it didn't work" denial of the energy of youth. (I still feel young, I feel , lets say 28 yrs. old; how does one 'feel' an age . . . it's like trying to grasp mercury between your fingers) And, oh yes, the other sign . . . Visualizing the worst case scenario, and then backing away from the task at hand.

Laughter . . . in good measure . . . I actually make myself laugh, and that is a tough crowd.

Unfinished business . . . many angry words, friendships trashed for the most petty reasons. The need, no the desire, to follow up on those. Too late?? I don't think so. If the thought, and spirit of reconciliation is still there, give it a whirl.

Family. Some have died, others are just so far out of touch (literal and figurative) the distance 'seems' too great. This is perhaps the hardest. Yep, all of the old chestnut rationalizations crop up . . . 'We choose our friends, we are born into family'., etc., anon into the night . . . I think I'll work on this one. I , like a good cyberspace/newage/rabid/time management zealot . . . well, I'll just have to set some timelines, and critical paths, and . . . oops, sounds like a bit of procrastination.

I could go on, probably will in a journal.  

        Thanks for listening.

                And, oh, yes, I'll never forget

                        at those special moments

                                to . . .

        'pull down my pants and slide on the ice'.

                        Wish me luck.

Take care. By The Way, this cake is fantastic . . .

Bill.