Niels' Response

From: "Niels Buhl"
Organization: London Business School
To: clburke@passport.ca
Date: Tue, 2 Apr 1996 16:18
Subject: Smiles

Hiiiiii Caroly,

Wow! Amazing conversation!!! *big smile* Wow!

[Okay, no more smilies in this email. *grin*]

After our talk this morning I made myself a salmon salat and sat for a few hours thinking new and amazing thoughts.

My external happiness. Remember months ago when I many times were so excited about everything but frustrated that I didn't have anyone to 'share' my feelings with? I think that this is one of my very basic needs - to have an outlet for my happiness. Not just anyone will do though. It has to be someone who understands my reasons - I almost always have reasons when I'm more than normally happy - and who is a critical as well. I would also like that person to value the sharing.

It is not only about happiness I feel like this. I _need_ dealing with abstract ideas and be allowed to solve problems creatively. A few weeks back I spend some hours with Alastair discussion business issues. He kept comming up with problems and objections and I kept solving them in ways that he told me that he would never have dreamt of. After a while he asked me to stop because he wanted to start writing it all down. Afterwards I felt so nice.

I think this is the main reason that I need people. What I'm learning now is to get the most out of people by talking about things that they hopefully will find interesting. I want these people to put "up with me" and to come all alive themselves. It is not a strategy because its not payoff in the future that I'm after - it is primarily an outlet for my energy and secondarily the pleasure of interacting with _living_ people.

It is probably that I generate all this mental energy that I need to let out. Interesting - the moment something doesn't take a lot of mental energy I get bored with it. I think that my ideal day is one where a 45% of the day is spend solving abstract problems and people problems creativily, 20% totally alone, 20% with someone but mostly without talking and 15% calmly talking.

I know that my external happiness sometimes is way too much for you and that it often affects you in bad way. The 'problem' is that my non-happy moods evaporate the second I start interacting with you - when the interaction is not too frequent. Sorry. I'm working on this.

Love you deeply,

Niels