Tad on standards

Date: Wed, 29 Oct 1997 08:42:09 -0600
From: Tad Kelson 
To: clburke@carolyn.org
Subject: You said

About standards.

But what else do I have to judge myself, or you, by than what you have done, what you say (body language, written, behavior, actions, implications, connotations and denotations of all actions, all past items, etc) then take them within the context of us and our relationship (whatever it might be from casual emailers to spouses and all inbetween), and in context of what is happening etc. Then see how it all fits in for consistency and relevance.

With all these and more factors taken both overt and covertly, Conscious and unconsciously, into the consideration then we can actually work on "judging" and evaluating people.

I suspect most do not have such considerations thought out. I admit I have spent a few hours here and there over the years considering how I look at people and am very aware of my perceptions. Also from the amount, considerable I feel, of self-examination that I have done in my life.

So when you "judge" others all you have to go with are your own perceptions. Unlike most I know you are aware of what and how you feel and react. I am very overly sensitive and take all things very literal and on face value so I am aware of this. Yet I feel that most people in this life just work and live within their own framework of reality without worrying how it will affect or modify other reality frameworks that they encounter, ie other people. I have noticed that in the past I have unduly influenced people when I was never even intending to influence them. As I get older I realize just how manipulative I can be in just normal conversation. I follow their words and supply what they want. Most people do not do this. Not on a conscious constant playing field.

They live and I believe a must easier life most of the time.

So back to judging. Look at culture and society.

It is very judgemental in that it labels everything. Male Female Straight White Asian Journaler Non-Journaler Artist Creative Type "A"/Type "B" INTP Zodiac all are labels to help us identify where we stand with regards to who we are and where we are with other people and our lives.

With this realization I have taken the stance of applying multiple sets of standards.

I expect nothing from other people. I hold them to no promises, no expectations, I impose as little of my self and my beliefs on them. This is not to say that I will not express my point of view (like in journaling) but that I will not shove it down their throat.

Since in a way by imposing my standards, whatever they may be, I am trying to convert you, focused on the close and immediate now, what my World View is. So if I judge your lifestyle I am imposing my version of "right" or "wrong" on you without regard to your belief system.

Better to be silent than to impinge on your free will by my view point.

Just my immediate without much cleaning up of my writing.

Tad Kelson