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space here to think in 
white

quiet white

is it privacy that I need?

Do I need to find love, 
someone to share myself 
with who loves themselves?


some space

some change


a set of values that lead 
in a direction thta is 
satisfying instead of

this externally enforced 
pursuit of money to end 
all else

life really 
is not a game

it should 
be enjoyed

why should 
the pursuit of money be 
the end and not the means


I know money is the lifeblood 
of the success game

but 
it is so bse to care about 
it

why can't I be free 
of this one thing

I don't 
like the petty penny pinching 
before my eyes, a behaviour 
I am
expected to adopt 
no matter what about everything 
I do since my finances

are intrinsically tied 
up in this company.  My 
private life gets noted

as often as my business 
life.  I want space from 
this, as much from this

as I did from Peter way 
back when - the towel 
episode seems to recur 
in
my life always.

So 
the penny pincher doesn't 
always want the best, and 
yet when he
visits my 
house he goes through 
my stuff and samples all 
my best stuff.
This I 
wrong.  And he never goes 
out of his way to do otherwise.  
I hate
him.  I love him.  
I am trapped.  People 
who want to cage my economic

behaviour cause me to 
hate them.

I suggested 
quietly we take a holiday - 
anything to get him to 
take one.
this is how 
I got him to let up in 
the past, by going to.  
Even if I
didn't want 
to go.

So ... I suggested 
this, and he said "Ecuador."  
One word.  What the
hell.  
Why would I go there?  What 
is there?  Why there?  So 
I haven't
really broached 
this again.  I don't want 
to go to South America 
again.
And yet the last 
time I went it was georgeous - 
unlike Jamaica.  So
maybe... 
but no.  I would be a 
burden to him.  I wouldn't 
want to just
... I'm crying 
suddenly.  Between a rock 
and a hard place.  I don't 
want
to go on some anti-
vacation, some macho, big 
dick extravaganza.  I

cannot stand the idea 
of going to Ecuador.  It's 
probably got some
amazing 
things about it, and yet... 
I want to go to Greece.  
With
Tracey.  Still.

I 
want to go to Japan and 
get wiped out culture 
shock.  I want to visit

William Gibson in Vancouver.  
I want to go to LA and 
visit Louise.  

Plans 
from all over.  






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